Personal Stories |
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Barry Tramantano |
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Personal Stories |
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| Parental Right's Inc. 67 Indiana Ave. Long Beach NY 11561 516-432-3892 We are writing to you to emphasize the importance of non-custodial parents’ equal involvement in their children’s lives. The basic, yet crucial fact, is often not reflected in many court decisions. All parties dealing with any aspect of the divorce/custody process should be urged to receive sensitivity training (Parental Rights Inc. provides this service to those who seek it). Understanding all factors involved and the impact they have on our children would facilitate positive actions and decisions. Currently, the uneven balance of parental "power" lends itself to vindictive, hostile behavior. Antagonism is invariably absorbed by the children in its midst. We need to grow towards fostering an attitude of healing. In direct conflict with the concept of family healing is the state sponsored parental alienation which continues to undermine our children’s best interest. Although this is a legislative function, the Judicial decisions reveal a discriminatory attitude towers non-custodial parents. We have enclosed an essay written by a child of divorce who writes of her experiences first hand. The hardships she endured in the Nassau Courts clearly depicts the need for more judicial insight and less motions and counter motions. We hope this information can be useful to you and perhaps give you some addition perspective. It's time for shared parenting as first choice in New York State. Barry Tramantano My Story When I was first asked to write an article for the newsletter, I wasn’t sure if I could. I wanted to get my point across and at the same time use some examples. So I decided to use my own story. I guess since I was young I was always close with my dad. At nine, in the fourth grade, I found out my parents were getting a divorce. In no longer than a week, my mind was made up that I wanted to live with my father. Every Sunday my father and I would pray for the best at our Baptist Church. My mother didn’t attend because she believed in the Jewish faith. As the year went on, the fights progressed and got worse between my mother and I. I was very quick with my words and that’s why I survived all the fights. Sometimes it got so bad that on a school night I would sleep over a family or friend’s house. My mother would constantly call the police for no reason. She cried to everyone to side with her. She tried it with me, but it didn’t work. I kept to my word. I was convinced that no one could change my mind. I was very mature for my age. The agreement was made for my father to temporarily leave the house. I told him it was a trick and he said it was to see if the relationship with my mother and I would improve and if it didn’t, he would get custody of me. He trusted his lawyer, simple, not really. His last day was spent together in the park. I cried myself to sleep that night. I threw a temper tantrum the next night and called my Dad at 12:30. I started to see the school psychologist, and an outside psychologist. Little did I know they were both friends of my mother. They turned everything I said around. The fighting still stayed the same. I had resentment towards my mother for what I was having to go through and for keeping me away from my father. I had no contact with my father for eight months except on letters read by my psychologist. I got every other Saturday with my grandparents, where I snuck phone calls to my Dad. We went to an evaluator and my psychologist told the evaluator I was brainwashed. Shortly afterwards, my mother got custody and I got supervised visits with my father on their visits. Supervised visits were in a room, for one hour a week and I saw more people in that time. We went to court after that and I spoke to the judge, but the psychologists overruled me. They said I was brainwashed. The judge declared me Jewish and I was brainwashed. My mother got me and I saw my father every other Sunday from 8:00 AM to 8:00 PM. My mother was never home, so I took care of myself. She collected child support. Not a dime was spent on me. One Christmas I decided to take my chances and sleep over my father’s where I had my own bedroom. She called the police and they did nothing. After that, I slept over my father’s on the weekends. My mother was very manipulative and immature. In my mother’s house I had the whole upstairs until she decided to rent it. I then got the cold tiny spare room. The anger built up inside me more and more. I saw another psychologist and he was on my side. He said at thirteen years old I was perfectly able to make my own decision. We were getting ready to go back to court when my mother gave up. Now I see my mother Sundays after Church. But I can see her whenever I want to. Now I want you to know that just because the courts listened to my mother, I don’t blame her. The courts twisted what I said, and didn’t listen to me. The courts knew regardless if my father said anything to me (but he didn’t) that I would be unhappy and they didn’t care. They would rather have me unhappy to give my mother a chance because she is my mother and she asked for it and she got it. Through this the court wasted five years of my childhood, a lot of tears, lawyers, and money. The courts break up families and don’t care about families. So why is it called Family Court, I don’t know. Deven Tramantano (1994 age 12) Speaking
as Deven’s parent, state laws should have never been so severe that my near eighty
year old parents had to spend twenty thousand dollars, and swear to a supreme court judge
they would not let my daughter call me on the phone. As you see they did anyway. It was a
horror to me to discover how terrible a court will treat a caring parent. |
